Dealing with Grief

Dealing with Grief

Another important date in the Christian calendar has just passed.  At Easter every year, Christian communities all around the world focus on the death and then the resurrection of Jesus Christ.   And all of us, no matter whether we are religious or not, have suffered the sadness of the death of someone close to us.   I thought it might be helpful for us to think about how we live with the only certainty we have in life - and that is death!

At another important time in the Christian calendar last year my own father was very close to death.   The windows of the advent calendar marked down the last days of his life and we who loved him could only watch as he began his final journey.   He lay peacefully in bed as people came and went, crying tears and thinking their own thoughts as they stood beside his bed, holding his hand.  In my case his was the hand that had held mine since the day I was born, the hand that had reached out for me as I took my first faltering steps, steadied me on my first stabiliser free bicycle ride, comforted me when my heart was broken and supported me, my mother and my brother and many, many more people throughout an unselfish life, well led.  As I whispered my goodbyes and the tears fell, the day that I had always dreaded had finally arrived.  

As it often does, death stole my father away in the dead of night.   I stumbled the short distance to his home and thanked God for the quiet efficiency of the people who operated in territory into which my mother and I had not strayed before.   Quiet efficiency and dignity accompanied my father’s last departure from the home he had loved and lived in and had happily also been able to die in.

His funeral was a full house and the minister who had been a personal friend gave a truly personal and memorable address.  Anyone who has ever lost anyone will identify with the dread of the day of a loved ones funeral and the death of a parent is something that marks the passage of time more than anything else.   This is someone we have known since we were born and now they have gone.  My father had achieved a ripe old age and had a great life and we are all grateful for that, but it is still very hard to be without him.

Any death causes pain to those left behind but when the pain has subsided and we can look back and be grateful for all the good times, then we might understand a bit better.   For the people we have lost there will be no resurrection for us to marvel at in the same way as Christians did with Jesus Christ, but in every day there will be something of them to see in those of us left behind; a son’s expression, a daughters smile, a wife’s remembrance, a grandchild’s mannerism. 

I think the words of a poem by Mary Frye sum up the way that we can best remember those we have lost.  I hope you agree and I hope you have a peaceful and happy Easter.

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there.
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there.
I did not die.

Mary Frye